By Kriss_wind Comments Off on Some stuff i read today

this stuff is funny and some is true 🙂 ….

The Army

CIVVY FRIENDS: Get upset if you’re too busy to talk to them for a week
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are glad to see you after years, and will happily carry on the same conversation you were having last time you met…

CIVVY FRIENDS: Never ask for food
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

CIVVY FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents mum and dad.

CIVVY FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, Bollocks…we fu*ked
Up…but that was fun!”

CIVVY FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Cry with you.

CIVVY FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.

CIVVY FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from You.

CIVVY FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that’s what the crowd is doing.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

CIVVY FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, “I’m home!”

CIVVY FRIENDS: Are for a while.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are for life.

CIVVY FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, “Mate, you better drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.That’s alcohol Abuse!!”

CIVVY FRIENDS: Will talk sh!t to the person who talks sh!t about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock them out!!

CIVVY FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will tell others about this

Christmas

A Christmas Story……………………When four of Santa’s elves got
sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the
regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind
schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit. This
stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and had gone, heaven
knows where. More stress.

Then, when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and
the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a
shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden
the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he
accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little
pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of
the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.

He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t it a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me
to stick it?”

And, so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.
Merry Christmas!

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